7 Pounds

Feeling as if you may have wronged someone selfishly, do you take subtle yet conscious initiative to avenge yourself? If you have seen the movie "7 Pounds" with Will Smith, you will understand what i mean. As of recent i have found myself doing exactly what he did in an attempt to avenge himself with no one knowing. I have made decisions about my life, done things for certain people, told people the truth they needed to here, and though i could not and still can not willingly go balls out such as he did seeing as how my personal "crime" wasn't as severe, I still did what i could to some extent.

I renewed my love for Christ after going to a type of revival with my youth. It was a very moving sermon and related in a direct way to everything I've needed to hear in order to reverse my previous thinking. If i sound cryptic right now, i promise it is simply due to the fact i am in extremely thought. Anyways, once it hit me all that i needed to hear, how wrong i had been, how much i needed to change, i realized i had to console into Christ and none other. If you are one of the few people who read this, and you do not know Christ, i suggest that you find someone who does and worships, and learn how you can join us. He is your savior. Ignore him no longer. No one gets to the father, except through the son. It is written. Their is indeed proof.

My Seven Pounds wasn't necessarily the same avenging endeavor or actions. It wasn't 7 pounds, merely a few actions. The word that comes to mind when i think of what i have engaged in is "cathartic". What i wish i could do is be like Justin Vernon. Escape into the wilderness, a cabin of some sort in some place like Wisconsin or my personal favorite, Wyoming or Montana. My inspiration and writing is so much more... blissful, when i'm alone. This cathartic escape from civilization is a simple time to reflect on life and your wrongs. For me, since i am not able to do that, i simple came to terms through action and making up for what I've done. I wished to "cross out what i'd become." Because i knew though it was in the past, almost the long past, i knew i had to make up for it in someway, to learn the ways of personal reversal, or i would always be the same narcissistic selfish jackass i have always been. I am still working in some areas to find my center and be at comfort with myself and with God. But that is work... If you've ever heard the Latin proverb, translated into "the end crowns the work"... that is exactly how i feel.

As marching band continues, being the only sport i participate in, i lose weight. But unfortunately, i still eat too much... i made an achievement today while stopping eating some Hardees my mom got me by ceasing when i felt like i was full. Instead of 6 chicken tenders and a biscuit, it was a biscuit and 2. i felt accomplished. I have vowed again, to lose weight. To grow my hair out until it starts getting scruffy, and to grow out my full beard. My i'm needlessly destroying myself to heal my heart from the pain it's left on itself from what it has done to others... almost like a mirror of hurt. I'm willing to bet it affects everyone, even the most narcissistic people. The revelations i've made in the past few days... i'm not totally sure whether they haunt me or help me? All i know is that i'm praying that soon, i will find solace, and be changed... be different. True happiness is the byproduct of solace and comfort... lack of stress. There will always be stress in life, but to have less, it makes it easier to be wholeheartedly happy.

I recently discovered a new band through recommendation of a friend. The band, which goes by the name of "City & Colour", is the one man acoustic mind of Dallas Green of Alexisonfire. The passion and emotion he puts into his guitar playing and singing is absolutely phenomenal, orgasmic, jubilant, and blissful. If you have never listened to him, i suggest you do so, it will always leave you wanting more. The songs i recommend are "Hello, I'm In Delaware", "As Much As I Ever Could", "Love Don't Live Here No More", and any other songs on his newest album "Bring Me Your Love".

Roy G. Biv has changed it's name to Sampsons Azaleas. Given from a very close friend, She picked an azalea outside of our school, and it had a pin sized bug on the top that just ruled over the azalea, and she named it sampson. The name really flows off of the tongue and is much more peaceful, as well as less homo (Roy G. Biv, in case you don't know, is a mnemonic device from remembering the order of the color spectrum, Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Indigo Violet, which also makes it the color of the rainbow, which is of course the international symbol for Gay pride... we don't want any of that, as we do not enjoy naked men.) We have recorded 3 new songs, 2 more serious ones entitled "...Is still a wolf" and "Our Fathers And Their Flags", and one song that is simply a joke made up in about a minute and a half the other day, entitled "ED" which features a blink 182 like guitar riff and vocals... i hate that i ever sung like that... Otherwise, i'm trying a new vocals style, in which my low register is more Sam Beam or Iron and Wine -ish, and i'm using a falsetto on some more songs. I know that the EP is going to sound very spastic until we rerecord it, as it goes through different vocal styles and music sounds and such, but once we do it should end up a ton better.

I've written a brand new song that i consider my best ever. I think of it as the Sampsons Azaleas death anthem... It isn't about death, but it uses the falsetto like i explained to almost sound like a moaning of sorts, which goes over a very sad array of lyrics about a really close friend of mine and an ordeal that they are going through. The guitar melody is very very sad and almost majestically so, and the climax brings you to a much brighter point, and resolves back to the sad melody much softer and less rhythmic, and very melancholy... the finished product should be very dramatic and emotional, i'm really looking to score a tear jerker with this one. Right after , i have ideas that transition nicely into a more bright sounding, summery feel. I think that the finished product again should be very emotional... tear jerker to resounding joy. But again, i might just take this joy song and leave people in pain. x) That sounds terrible i know.

In conclusion, i hope you enjoyed the read. I'm going to go do.... something now. Herz Immer!