in the past 17 hours i have experienced one of the strangest pains ever. Why a negativity of a girl who i'm less serious with, actually not even with, than any other i've actually been with pains me this bad... i can't explain. I am more hurt than i have ever been for some reason. Every time i even look at i can't actually think about anything but how amazing and beautiful it is... and then it hits me i can't yet have her. these pains led me to write one of my best songs.
And then i realized that i have a paradox in myself. I write my best music when i am down on my mind, sad, and alone. And when there is love, i write, but it is not as good. So i can choose between making amazing music whist depressed or being in Love and happy. It is such an odd paradox... but beautiful in it's own twisted way.
Yet, it is my thought. Perhaps i am beautiful in my own twisted way?
no matter. two visions.
i am floating in a large dark space with small pin points around me. my body floats limply in front of me. A precursor, a past firmament of sorts to the ascendancy i experience. it is so.
I am napping. The neck joint of my guitar lays on the bottom of my diaphragm, the tip of the headstock on the left side of my top lip. As I inhale and exhale, It lightly brushes my face. In my dream she lays on me and strokes my lips with her fingers with a touch so gentle yet so greatly sorrowful... it is indeed so.
The pains of this world have found me in great misfortune.
And fate has found me in a most dichotomous situation..
Tsuruta Cardiomyopathy
i am pathetic.
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