In good news, I felt like being rebelious so i wore my drumline shirt instead of my band shirt.
Rebel without a cause. Literally, i have no reason for wearing a different shirt besides not wanting to dig through my drawer to find the appropriate attire, despite the amount of time i had to do so (which was plentiful.)
My glasses broke this morning. In retrospect, the story which makes me look like an idiot is pretty funny, so I'll recount it.
So, my glasses broke. Not totaled like james deans spyder but pretty useless. Basically, one of the legs has been missing it's bolt so the only thing holding it to the frame was a single screw and tight placement. So i laid them upside down and the next time i look at the bathroom counter the leg is sitting awkwardly displaced from the frame and the screw sitting nearby. So, me being the natural attempt to fix it because without them you're blind and look strange guy i am, goes to fix them thinking i can put the leg piece back in the slot and simply drop the bolt in, not turn it upside down, they'll be fine right?
Of course not.
So, the screw, being equivalent in size to a gnat is very hard to precisely place when you have manly hands which means large fingers. Moreso, it's very hard to hold a leg to a frame when there is nothing attaching the two. I pick up a pair of tweezers to place the screw so that it's easier for me to the the leg and frame together.
In my absolute genius, i didn't take into account the fact that i was fixing my glasses on the edge of a bathroom sink by a trashcan full of tissue paper and an empty bottle of tinactin. And that holding a metal gnat sized object with tweezers is hard. -.-
As you have probably figured out, the bolt fell OUT of the tweezers, rolled OFF the counter, bounced OFF of the can of tinactin with a *ding* and landed SOMEWHERE in the narnia-like expanse of tissue paper covered with my dads earwax, a couple cigarette butts (thus tar stains) and God knows whatever else.
Now, I'm not a trash man.
You best believe that screw was dead to me the moment it didn't land outside that trash can. Over. gone. Done. Dead. Finis. Quietus. You get it.
Now, there's obviously a problem here, or else i wouldn't be upset about my glasses being broken and the bolt beng lost in the household equivalent of a homeless hungarian man's beard.
I can't see without my glasses.
I am like the male velma of scooby doo.
Now granted, there are people with worse vision than me. But I'm practically legally blind.
I can see things up close but unless i wanted to act like a bloodhound and run up to everything i was trying to look at anywhere and squint which would in turn cause me to look as if i were sniffing... well, I'd need to either be placed in a psyche ward or wear my glasses.
Furthermore, i had to find some way to remedy this unfortunate predicament i was in, so i began to brainstorm. I went to my mom and asked if she could call the eye care center and get the screw replaced for the time being. so i left them in her room and she told me to go find the bolt.
Ha. I imagine she was high and in an alternate dimension where delusional people who expect children to pick a straw of hay from a needlestack are treated as comedians.
-.-
To make it seem like i was looking for the screw, i went into my room to get my old nerd glasses with thinline flexiframes and tiny lenses. I have always kept this pair on my bedside table in case my main pair did in fact break.
The glasses were no where to be found.
Fuck.
My.
Life.
So, i knew in my heart, against all mental arguments i was having with myself that there was only one horrifically unconventional impromptu way out of this situation: GHETTOFICATION.
How?
It will be revealed after i, against my will, freeze my junk into my stomach.
Godspeed.
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