untitled.

Im sorry.

Ive been really really selfish these past few weeks. I didn't want you to see it, i didn't. Because i knew you hated it, to see me this way.

When i say it's too late for you to become my martyr, im not taking a dig at you by any means, i could never be mad at you, or want you to be upset or angry. I hate it when you are. But it's always been too late. Ill never let you sacrifice yourself to make feel better, crazy.

I just want to see you happy. I say that honestly and sincerely. Even if it kills me.

I remember i said i would let you destroy me if it meant being with you. Of course we never wanted you to, it just happened. But don't think you can't change it, "heavy heartedness" as you chose to call it. I usually believe people can't change and never will with a stingent heart. But recently my belief on that has been changed a little bit. Im not as much of a cynic anymore, but probably a little more narcissistic =p I chose to come into your life and be wrapped in it, bad parts and all because i cared about you, i still care about you. I knew it would be worth it, And it was.

You made me happier than i'd been by far.

To trek through all that madness contained within the storm, someone must have the affection strong enough to create such an internal inertia and perpetual motion that will let them simply brush through the blizzard, because they don't care about all that; they see through all the roughs and desire to see you for what you are. If they still have enough of that affection left, they come to find this wall that surrounds your being, and break it down. Even if they simply make a crack in it, they would be in absolute awe at even a glimpse of the beauty unparalleled that doesn't just surround you, but is contained within you, within each layer, every inch of your skin, soul and mind.

I know i was. I still am.

I don't know if you still have feelings for me. If you believe in them. i hope you do, but If you don't you don't, and maybe you'll change your mind someday. but i can't control that.

I could say more, but text isn't the way. Will told me you think you should talk to me? Probably.

Just be happy. Don't drag yourself down with me. I know how much you care, and it means a lot to me, but but i don't want you to see this, i don't want you to know, or feel the need to be altruistic. If anything, to see you be unhappy would only make me worse, and if you've been covering it thus far if you've been, thank you. i really wish that i could've done better myself.

Im sorry i brought you down with me on any degree. I know it was my fault, and i will always kick myself for it. Im sorry for the production i've made of the emptiness between us. I just want to fill it again, no matter to what degree.

As always,
Live life.
-hunter.

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